Right now i'm sitting in my living room floor, indian style and hunched over the computer screen that is sitting on my lap. I'm in blue boxer shorts and a Battlestar Galactica t-shirt. My reddish blonde hair is messed up despite me having tried to pat it down after my shower (it's getting longer and to the stage where it's impossible to deal with). In my DJ style Headphones i'm listenign to a a local rapper named Big Chef (those of you in the springfield township area know him as the 6'3" black man who worked as the fry cook in the Manhattan Bagel in flourtown).
so I'm sitting here trying to develop a mixtape to help me zero in on certain aspects of the different characters I'm working with in novel. I know to some of you that may seem rather weird but I assure you it helps with my personal process. I find music to be the ultimate creative catalyst for me when it comes to writing- it allows me to tap into the voice of the characters by imagining the style or type of music they listen to. Looking back on my notes from when i began writing I've always worked this way. In my plan sheets I had the usual shit of height, weight age color etc but then I'd always have 'music' listed underneath all that.
In the case of Farcry I've mainly been working with the album Music for the People by Vast. It's what i listened to when i first began writing the original passages (the ones i've posted here) and it's allowed me to get into Pete's mind frame of his discussing his drug addictions and guilt over his inability to save his girlfreind. It's given Pete a voice.
Then last night I began plotting out the actual death scene of Melanie (if you read my stuff then you know she's dead) and the VAST music wasn't working for what I was going for. So i went to random and the first song it played set what I needed. The song was Within Temptation's Jillian (I'd Give My Heart) and (despite it being a female singer) It felt like the words were the character Pete discussing his loss and grief.
(lyrics)
I've been dreaming for so long,
to find a meaning to understand.
The secret of life,
why am I here to try again?
Will I always, will you always
see the truth when it stares you in the face?
Will I ever, will I never free myself
by breaking these chains?
I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul.
I'd turn it back, it's my fault.
Your destiny is forlorn,
have to live till it's undone.
I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul.
I'd turn it back and then at last I'll be on my way.
Jillian our dream ended long ago.
All our stories and all our glory I held so dear.
We won't be together
for ever and ever, no more tears.
I'll always be here until the end.
Yeah when I heard the lyrics I heard Pete, him talking and discussing the events surrounding Melanie's death and his pining for her back, his guilt that his actions directly affected her life and eventual death. so with these lyrics in mind i went at re-writing the scene and the result, to me at least, is much more full of emotion than what I had prior- which felt more of a stating of events with an announcer than an actual peek into a broken man's soul.
For thsoe who've asked whether I'll stick with this or abandon it all i have to say is this: I'm definitely sticking with this novel, at this point in my life i need to finish this. I need to prove to myself i can write a coherant novel with a decent plot and writing. I've found that there's alot of old ideas and characters coming out in this one who i thought were lost or I'm reimagining in this. I feel my general writing ability is stronger and I'm able to carry things further than simply list a series of events. In other words i'm more confident. and i guess it's all you need, right?
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Thursday, September 11, 2008
7 years later...
as a kid my mom once told me when she remembered the day Kennedy was shot. She recalled where she was, what she was doing and everything about it. She was about 16 years old and she seemed to have this tone in her voice, a sense that when she felt part of her dissapeared that day. Like a part of her innocence or something left her, from what I could gather since the whole country was in the same shock my Mother was in.
I wouldn't be until years later when I would experience anything near what my Mother did that day in the 1960s. On two such occasions I would have that 'time stood still' moments of tragedy- Columbine High School and September 11th, 2001 (though my earliest memories include the Challenger explosion).
When that day happened I was 3 months out of high school, 19 years old (yes I know- old) and late for English becasue the SEPTA service was acting like shit (again). Rushing to class I arrived to a room of silence where none of the computers were on and the professor (Mr. Whyte) was just sitting on the desk in the front of the room. Now Mr. Whyte is one of those old professor's who have this distinct talent of showing less emotion that a Terminator zoning in for the kill. But today I saw immediately was different. I apologized for being late that day.
"Just take your seat Mr. Ross, it's time to get started."
So I walked tot he back of the room and took my seat next to Katelyn and began unpacking my things.
"Mr. Ross why are you late today?" Mr whyte asked me as I pulled my work disk out with my books.
"I was waiting for the bus, septa was held up for some reason."
"OK. I thought it was for a different reason."
"Uhhh.. what would that be?" i asked, legitamately puzzled.
"A plane flew into the world trade center." he replied. WHen he said it I didn't think anything of it, to be honest. I mean planes fly into buildings all the time, right? Well, maybe not all the time but the thought wasn't that far out of the realm of reason. Mind you this was also before the second plane hit and before we knew what had actually happened. Mr. Whyte's assignment for the day was to be teamed up with another student and do an interview assignment- talk to them and get the lowdown on their lives. I was teamed up with a blonde boy named Josh who, i would find out, was joining the air force.
We decided to do our interview over some coffee and lunch at the campus cafeteria. When we arrived the whole place was crowded with students and faculty alike, must have been about 200 people crowded into the room staring in silence at the tvs which showed images of fires and smoke gushing fromt he sides of the buildings. Apparently we had jsut missed the Pentagon.
sitting at one of the tables we attempted to discuss the assignment- why we didn't look at the TVs I don't know. Still don't. after a while Josh and I parted ways and I wandered close to the crowds where I saw my friends Chris and Jake. We didn't greet eachother, just simply nodded to eachother. some flashes that stand out:
-nearby I can remember hearing people saying things like 'if they got NYC what's goign to stop them from Philly?!"
-if they want body count there's King of Prussia Mall!
-girls on the floor, huddled togethor crying. a boy holding tight onto a man in a suit (presumably a faculty member), I remember the man's shirt darkening from the boy's tears.
- a boy talking world war three.
After a while the three of us turn and head toward the game room. Nothinghelps a national tradegy like a game of pool with your boys. we spent the next 3 hours in the game room- going between the pool table and Tekken Tag Tournement. We laughed, joked, bullshitted about things. Teachers, friends, music- everything was game except the one thing that was on our minds. For those three hours we escaped that reality on the other side of the building- the reality of our fellow collegemates were witnessing on the tv screens. For those three hours things were grand.
"Hey guys." a security guard for the campus said as he was came into the gameroom.
"Hello." jake said.
"I'm going to have to ask you guys to leave."
"Dis we do somethign wrong, Sir?" I asked him.
he stood a moment before speaking. "The president closed the school down for the rest of the day. I hav e to go around and lock things up. Finish your game and go home. I'll give you fifteen minutes." then he left.
The three of us stood there for a moment before we put our cues on the rack against the wall. We knew we couldn't put off the inevitable any longer.
"Well I guess I'll go see if the SEPTA is running." I said to them.
"Nah man, I'll giv eyou a lift in the Nova." Chris said.
"You sure? I don't have any money to pitch for gas." it was true since I used bus tokens for rides and pocket change for lunch. Usually, when he gives rides, Chris asks for five bucks to offset his gas bill. He said 'no, its cool. I'll charge you double next time.' A lame attempt at a joke. none of us laughed.
The feeling outside wa something quite surreal. What I remember most about that morning isn't how I found out, it isn't the pool game and it isn't the sense of panic but the weather. I remember it being one of the most beautiful days i've ever seen. The sun was shining, the sky was blue the clouds were puffy and white- if i took photos back then it would have been photographic perfection. The campus, usually teeming with students, had this uneasy emptyness about it- like an aura of death that belied the clarity of nature's beauty. With the absense of people we were engulfed in silence (I don't remember hearing any birds, I don't remember seeing the trees swaying in the wind). It was as though the Zombie Apocolypse had started and everyone had already barricaded themselves indoors and we were those three hapless guys left to defend themselves.
The ride home wasn't much different. It's about 20 minutes from MONTCO to get to my house and the whole way there we didn't encounter a single car on the road. At one point Jake made the mention that he felt we some how had slipped into the Twilight Zone and, looking back now, I'd have to agree. The whole world now feels like we've slipped into some kind of crazy parrelel dimension where all the world's problems are occuring. But, like our pool game, that is just a fantasy.
Other than Jake making mention of the twilight zone the car ride itself was silence. We all wanted to say something but none of us could think of anything we could say. What could we say? Our country was attacked- a symbol of our country's status in the world was lying in rubble. Thousand's dead, more to come. and here we were, just three guys in a 60s muscle car driving down a deserted road into some unknown future that noe of us could imagine. When we entered college we felt like big adults, men, but that day came and reminded us that we were still children. There was nothing more sobering than the sights of 9/11.
On October 7th, 2001 President Bush sent troops into Afghanistan to fight the forces of the Taliban. On October 7th, 2001 I turned 20 years old. that evening I celebrated by watching our troops fight against the Taliban who had claimed responcability for the 9/11 attacks. the rest, they say, is history.
I wouldn't be until years later when I would experience anything near what my Mother did that day in the 1960s. On two such occasions I would have that 'time stood still' moments of tragedy- Columbine High School and September 11th, 2001 (though my earliest memories include the Challenger explosion).
When that day happened I was 3 months out of high school, 19 years old (yes I know- old) and late for English becasue the SEPTA service was acting like shit (again). Rushing to class I arrived to a room of silence where none of the computers were on and the professor (Mr. Whyte) was just sitting on the desk in the front of the room. Now Mr. Whyte is one of those old professor's who have this distinct talent of showing less emotion that a Terminator zoning in for the kill. But today I saw immediately was different. I apologized for being late that day.
"Just take your seat Mr. Ross, it's time to get started."
So I walked tot he back of the room and took my seat next to Katelyn and began unpacking my things.
"Mr. Ross why are you late today?" Mr whyte asked me as I pulled my work disk out with my books.
"I was waiting for the bus, septa was held up for some reason."
"OK. I thought it was for a different reason."
"Uhhh.. what would that be?" i asked, legitamately puzzled.
"A plane flew into the world trade center." he replied. WHen he said it I didn't think anything of it, to be honest. I mean planes fly into buildings all the time, right? Well, maybe not all the time but the thought wasn't that far out of the realm of reason. Mind you this was also before the second plane hit and before we knew what had actually happened. Mr. Whyte's assignment for the day was to be teamed up with another student and do an interview assignment- talk to them and get the lowdown on their lives. I was teamed up with a blonde boy named Josh who, i would find out, was joining the air force.
We decided to do our interview over some coffee and lunch at the campus cafeteria. When we arrived the whole place was crowded with students and faculty alike, must have been about 200 people crowded into the room staring in silence at the tvs which showed images of fires and smoke gushing fromt he sides of the buildings. Apparently we had jsut missed the Pentagon.
sitting at one of the tables we attempted to discuss the assignment- why we didn't look at the TVs I don't know. Still don't. after a while Josh and I parted ways and I wandered close to the crowds where I saw my friends Chris and Jake. We didn't greet eachother, just simply nodded to eachother. some flashes that stand out:
-nearby I can remember hearing people saying things like 'if they got NYC what's goign to stop them from Philly?!"
-if they want body count there's King of Prussia Mall!
-girls on the floor, huddled togethor crying. a boy holding tight onto a man in a suit (presumably a faculty member), I remember the man's shirt darkening from the boy's tears.
- a boy talking world war three.
After a while the three of us turn and head toward the game room. Nothinghelps a national tradegy like a game of pool with your boys. we spent the next 3 hours in the game room- going between the pool table and Tekken Tag Tournement. We laughed, joked, bullshitted about things. Teachers, friends, music- everything was game except the one thing that was on our minds. For those three hours we escaped that reality on the other side of the building- the reality of our fellow collegemates were witnessing on the tv screens. For those three hours things were grand.
"Hey guys." a security guard for the campus said as he was came into the gameroom.
"Hello." jake said.
"I'm going to have to ask you guys to leave."
"Dis we do somethign wrong, Sir?" I asked him.
he stood a moment before speaking. "The president closed the school down for the rest of the day. I hav e to go around and lock things up. Finish your game and go home. I'll give you fifteen minutes." then he left.
The three of us stood there for a moment before we put our cues on the rack against the wall. We knew we couldn't put off the inevitable any longer.
"Well I guess I'll go see if the SEPTA is running." I said to them.
"Nah man, I'll giv eyou a lift in the Nova." Chris said.
"You sure? I don't have any money to pitch for gas." it was true since I used bus tokens for rides and pocket change for lunch. Usually, when he gives rides, Chris asks for five bucks to offset his gas bill. He said 'no, its cool. I'll charge you double next time.' A lame attempt at a joke. none of us laughed.
The feeling outside wa something quite surreal. What I remember most about that morning isn't how I found out, it isn't the pool game and it isn't the sense of panic but the weather. I remember it being one of the most beautiful days i've ever seen. The sun was shining, the sky was blue the clouds were puffy and white- if i took photos back then it would have been photographic perfection. The campus, usually teeming with students, had this uneasy emptyness about it- like an aura of death that belied the clarity of nature's beauty. With the absense of people we were engulfed in silence (I don't remember hearing any birds, I don't remember seeing the trees swaying in the wind). It was as though the Zombie Apocolypse had started and everyone had already barricaded themselves indoors and we were those three hapless guys left to defend themselves.
The ride home wasn't much different. It's about 20 minutes from MONTCO to get to my house and the whole way there we didn't encounter a single car on the road. At one point Jake made the mention that he felt we some how had slipped into the Twilight Zone and, looking back now, I'd have to agree. The whole world now feels like we've slipped into some kind of crazy parrelel dimension where all the world's problems are occuring. But, like our pool game, that is just a fantasy.
Other than Jake making mention of the twilight zone the car ride itself was silence. We all wanted to say something but none of us could think of anything we could say. What could we say? Our country was attacked- a symbol of our country's status in the world was lying in rubble. Thousand's dead, more to come. and here we were, just three guys in a 60s muscle car driving down a deserted road into some unknown future that noe of us could imagine. When we entered college we felt like big adults, men, but that day came and reminded us that we were still children. There was nothing more sobering than the sights of 9/11.
On October 7th, 2001 President Bush sent troops into Afghanistan to fight the forces of the Taliban. On October 7th, 2001 I turned 20 years old. that evening I celebrated by watching our troops fight against the Taliban who had claimed responcability for the 9/11 attacks. the rest, they say, is history.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
dennis kucinich for president
I'm not one to discuss alot of political issues, in fact I rarely do outside of my close close friends. Those of whom i have spoken to about the upcoming presidential elections have heard me speak alot of Barack Obama. Alot of Mr. Obama's ideas appealed to me, but as the politcal world sways and turns so do my opinons on things. I now have a new person I wish would become president- Dennis Kucinich.
Admitedly it has been through my recent viewings of Colbert Report and Daily Show I have been introduced to mr Kucinich. I must say that his recent appearance on Colbert were light hearted and amusing, made me laugh my ass off when Steve pulled sugar from kucinich's breast pocket. but more seriously however, he has issues I believe in. With my recent health issues i've been in and out of hospitals and I saw people in terrible shape, I realize not everyone there was as fortunate as I was in having full health care, especially children (don't even get me started on Bush vetoing that universal healthcare for children bill). Kucinich wants universal health care-universal means everyone. and why shouldn't the government help us out- shit we give them practically half our salaries, but do we have to pay for it? I don't think so.
Kucinich has many great ideas for education reforms and ways of bringing jobs abck to the states. Outsourcing is one of the greatest threats to the American infrasturcture- more so than terrorists that the current regime is constantly bringing up.
I firmly believe that with Dennis Kucinich in office we'll begin to see a new America, a country we can be proud of once again. a place where the world may once again look to in admiration instead of fear. When it comes to election day I sure as hell choose Kucinich.
Admitedly it has been through my recent viewings of Colbert Report and Daily Show I have been introduced to mr Kucinich. I must say that his recent appearance on Colbert were light hearted and amusing, made me laugh my ass off when Steve pulled sugar from kucinich's breast pocket. but more seriously however, he has issues I believe in. With my recent health issues i've been in and out of hospitals and I saw people in terrible shape, I realize not everyone there was as fortunate as I was in having full health care, especially children (don't even get me started on Bush vetoing that universal healthcare for children bill). Kucinich wants universal health care-universal means everyone. and why shouldn't the government help us out- shit we give them practically half our salaries, but do we have to pay for it? I don't think so.
Kucinich has many great ideas for education reforms and ways of bringing jobs abck to the states. Outsourcing is one of the greatest threats to the American infrasturcture- more so than terrorists that the current regime is constantly bringing up.
I firmly believe that with Dennis Kucinich in office we'll begin to see a new America, a country we can be proud of once again. a place where the world may once again look to in admiration instead of fear. When it comes to election day I sure as hell choose Kucinich.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
TV Now
So this is CBS' premiere week (as well as every other station) and so far I've seen a pretty good season opener of NCIS which kinda um stopped the story Line of Tony's love life in a very very dramatic way. on Criminal Minds they set up what is to be the end of Gideon (team leader) literally. An ending shot of him sitting in his cabin holding a gun to his head- kinda set up his death. He was distraught over not being able to protect a college campus from a serial murderer. TV guide also said that the opener and second episode were Patakin's last appearances. It's OK, as long as they don't kill Dr. Spencer Reid I'll probably still watch. Reid is probably one of the most fascinating characters on TV today.
and now we come to this: CSI nine o'clock tonight-the fate of Sara Sydel. will she die? Will Grissom get there on time to save the love of his life who is trapped underneath a car during a rain storm in the middle of the Nevada desert? do any of you even give a shit?
yes even I'll admit that scenario is a bit melodramatic, but considering I watched the entire season last year wondering who that fucking Miniature's killer was (kinda was wishing it was Grissom-they had enough clues pointing to him) and was actually kinda shocked when they revealed it (a schizophrenic girl with an obsessive crush on Grissom) I kinda want to know how this will eventually end. Judging from the previews the last two nights it can't really be that good. I'm also hoping they reveal the outcome of the wrongful death suit against Gregory Sanders. Greg is my character on that show, my second is Sarah. I only want her to die because it would be a fairly twisted death and most original in years.
on another note- I'll probably be watching Reaper on the CW. I'll be still pissing on the name of Smallville for it's continued fucking up of the DC comic mythos. I love Green Arrow-they fucked him up real bad. Now they're going to fuck up Super girl. wtf CW. as long as they don't bring in Batman and Wonder woman. just let the show bow out gracefully before things get even more convoluted than they already are...
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Whatever happened to the Rosie the Robot?
She's in Japan.So I remember being in elementary school and an assembly taking place with local officer Cotton (who was the police liason for my districts DARE program at the time) and his new parter, a silly and fun information that looked like a cross between E.T and B-9 from Irwin Allen's Lost in Space (the series). I thought it was the coolest frikkin thing ever. To an 7 year old in 1988 (and a burgeoning sci-fi geek) the sight of Mike Cotton talking to a robot like would any of us was mind blowing.
So i wake up this morning and go to MyYahoo.com and see what fun filled news and events are going on in the world and i come across this juicy little number: Robots turn off senior citizens. Intruiged I clicked on it and saw this funny little guy. It's called the ifbot bot and it is created by a japanese company called Business Deseign Laboratories. This guys abilities include conversing, sing, express emotions and give trivia quizzes to seniors to help with their mental agility. According to the BDL's website (where they proclaim to be the head manufacturers of Hello Kitty toys) this little punk, which stands about two feet high, also features wheels for movement, a sensor that will move around obstacles, recognition of the user and some of the user's friends. And as if things couldn't get any cooler he also offers a handshake function.
So I looked at other sites and found a whole bunch of robots for personal use including a robot who can literally clean up the streets of crime as it is a body retrieval unit. A trash truck or corpses have you.
now my last example I give you Repliee q2, basically an early version of Lt. Data from Next Gen. I'm not entirely sure what her purpose is but it's really really bad how attractive I find her. I remember reading about her some 2 years ago and everything I hear about her since then has gotten weirder. Apparenlty she can speak 5 human languages, walk a semi human pace (she was said to be around that of a man on crutches. The videos I've seen of her on Youtube seem to support that. What's most striking is her extremely life like appearance and how natural she is programmed to act. enjoy these pictures. And no, the Blade Runner like implications are not lost on me.
Youtube has some amazing video of Repliee q2
My main point with all of these robots is this: they're all Japanese. Alot of the ones I've looked at were all in practical uses around Japan. So i ask again, Where the hell are all of our robots? I was led to believe when I was 7 that the age of robots would be upon us soon enough. damn you cotton...damn you and your robot enticing lies!!!!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
The FIrst one
This is the blog of One, Sean Ross, a common man with a common name. I suppose if you want to look at it that way. In truth, I'm not entirely sure why I decided to post shit here, I have a myspace.com site that i post to on a pretty regular basis. I enjoy the fun I have on it with it's near infinite customability. I like how I have tons of friends (I'm not a friend whore, with the exception of a couple people in other countries and Bands I actually know my friends in real life). I guess what's annoying me about it is the juvenility about the thing. It all feels kinda lame and retarded, like It feels like it's been made for children who have no lives. I feel disenfranchised from it, like I'm someone at a party being thrown by people he has no connection to.
I joined blogger about a year ago as part of a class project and this morning I had to ressurect it for another class project. I think I'll take this oppurtunity to use this as a true outlet for my emotions and feeling and all those other things i should be afraid of expressing as an american straight man. Most of my shit about what i'm doing this weekend and self gossip i'll use for the 'Space, here it'll be private and mature issues. It may not be a revolutionary self discovery or any kind of shit like that, but it'll be something. Hopefully I'll meet some new interesting people who can give some kickass feedback on things, I poromise I'l return some as well. Till then, rock on and take care.
-S
I joined blogger about a year ago as part of a class project and this morning I had to ressurect it for another class project. I think I'll take this oppurtunity to use this as a true outlet for my emotions and feeling and all those other things i should be afraid of expressing as an american straight man. Most of my shit about what i'm doing this weekend and self gossip i'll use for the 'Space, here it'll be private and mature issues. It may not be a revolutionary self discovery or any kind of shit like that, but it'll be something. Hopefully I'll meet some new interesting people who can give some kickass feedback on things, I poromise I'l return some as well. Till then, rock on and take care.
-S
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